i know. i'm blushing.

Die hard runners always talk about that “runners high” they get at some point during their run, and workout fanatics rave about that wonderful rush of endorphins.

But talk like that has always baffled me. I never felt like that after a workout; I just figured that endorphins were wasted on me (or that the people who claimed a high were just masochists on crack). My workouts felt more like torture. I’d climb on a machine, work my little heart out, sweat like a maniac, and then leave the gym with a fluorescent red race, feeling like I was about to die. No feel-good chemicals to be found… just the marginally gratifying feeling that I had “done my duty” and put in some time at the gym.

Yesterday, I was on a machine that could measure heart rate, so I thought I’d see how my thumper was holding up—something I had never done before. I put my hands on the metal sensors to see how I was doing, and YIKES! The machine started blinking angrily at me and said (in a matter of words), “Slow down you moron! Your heart rate is 198 and you’re going to explode soon!” Hmm… can you say “out of shape”?  Later that night, I discovered that it becomes dangerous when my heart rate reaches 200. Supposedly, I should keep it between 130 and 160 during a workout, or something like that. Oops.

I guess now I know why I always feel like I’m about to die when I leave the gym.

So today, I tried keeping my heart rate at non-lethal level. I had to slow down the pace a lot, but when it was all done, I actually felt good. Flushed, sweaty, and ready for a break, but GOOD… as opposed to radioactive red, drenched in the Great Salt Lake, and DYING. It seems I am capable of feeling endorphins, as long as my body’s not screaming so loud for a break that it drowns them out.

I can’t believe I’m just figuring this out now. After all these years of having a gym membership, I just now realize that the tingly feeling in my lips is a signal to take it down a notch. I just think it’s kind of funny that I’ve always been so miserable while working out and never stopped to consider that that wasn’t normal… or that my heart was about to explode.