i know. i'm blushing.

My mom and I started a project together. Inspired by “habit” (read: we’re shamelessly ripping them off), we’ve started a family habit of our own.

I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a long time but always lacked the motivation to try; I was always too afraid that I wouldn’t follow through with it. My mom’s enthusiasm for the idea was the final push I needed to really give it a shot.

We’ve been at it now for just under three weeks. It’s sometimes challenging to be consistent, but I’m happy with the results so far. I’d like to tweak some formatting issues on the site, but this will do for now. Go have a look.

GOOD NEWS: I just spent about three hours gardening. Outside. In the sun. It was wonderful.
BAD NEWS: I ripped a big hole in my gardening gloves and now my middle finger pops out of the top. …Which actually is kind of funny, so I guess it’s not that bad of news.

BAD NEWS: I almost just chucked my dirty clothes into the garbage instead of into the hamper.
GOOD NEWS: I’m at least trying to use the hamper.

GOOD NEWS: I haven’t eaten any junk food today.
BAD NEWS: I really haven’t eaten much of anything today. (Which is about to change right now, thankfully… and the “haven’t eaten any junk food” thing might change, too.)

BAD NEWS: My right eye has been twitching constantly all day long. Talk about annoying.
GOOD NEWS: Um, nothing. That’s just bad news. But also kind of funny.

GOOD NEWS: I’ve made a goal to blog every day this month (though I missed yesterday and this past weekend… I’m pretending that didn’t happen.)
BAD NEWS: That goal makes for some less-than-stellar posts, kind of like this one. Thanks for sticking with me anyway!

Why is it that when I try really hard to remember something, it’s as if my mind clamps shut like a vice, but when I decide to stop worrying about it and give up hope of ever retrieving the lost information, the answer immediately pours into my mind with no effort at all?

Have you ever had something you feel very strongly about and really want to talk about, but for some reason you feel like you’re not allowed to talk about it because you don’t know who you might offend? …Even though your opinion is not meant to be offensive at all… it’s just your opinion, not something meant to hurt anyone.

Yeah, I hate that.

A while ago I stumbled across this blog called “habit” and bookmarked it because I thought it was interesting. It’s not until recently, however, that I’ve really become a loyal fan, always checking in on their daily updates. From what I understand, it’s a site run by two women who feature multiple guests every month. They describe the site as “a place to capture the bits of our daily lives.” These women take (roughly) a photo a day and then caption their photos in (roughly) thirty words or less, in an effort to try and capture the simple essence of their day. I find it mesmerizing. The site feels clean, and light, and honest. It’s become my most recent addiction.

If you’ve never seen it before, I think today’s post (yesterday’s pictures) is a good place to start.

Um… have you seen this?!

Drake Jammin to Boots On

…Because it’s been a while, and I liked doing it last time. Plus, I feel so incredibly frazzled right now, and it sounds soothing to just sit and take stock of my senses. Here goes…

SIGHTS

Two photographs I’m liking right now:

…Because I feel the need for some serious tranquility, and that’s what this photo does for me.

…Because when I came home yesterday and saw my gladiola bud popping out of the soil, it was like all of the sudden everything was right in the world. I’d like to feel that way again.

SOUNDS

I’m putting my iPod on shuffle and listening the first ten songs it pumps out. Let’s hope they’re good.

1. “Hold On” by Sarah McLachlan
2. “All Along the Watchtower” by Dave Matthews Band (Sigh. Doesn’t Dave make everything better? “There’s too much confusion. Can’t get nooooo relief.” Mmmhmm.)
3. “Going Under” by Evanescence (Remnants of my first year of college.)
4. “Blood on the Ground” by Incubus
5. “Omaha” by Counting Crows (Sometimes shuffle is really hit-and-miss, but I’m impressed with how well this shuffle is matching my mood.)
6. “Valeri” by the Monkees (Mmm… spoke too soon?)
7. “Wake Up” by Rage Against the Machine (Ahhhh, now we’re talking.)
8. “Middle Man” by Jack Johnson (I think I’ll add this one to the player here on my blog.)
9. “What’s Happening” by Ying Yang Twins (Ugh. Sorry, but I’m definitely skipping through this one. Is that cheating?)
10. “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin Groovy)” by Simon and Garfunkel (Hey, that’s a nice note to end on. Way to go, shuffle. Today I give you an 8 out of 10.)

SMELLS

The lurking smell of old, rubbery acrylic paint stuck on my fingers. There are times when I love the smell of paint—like it ignites the desire to create inside. But tonight, it’s just keeping my stress alive.

THOUGHTS (not that this is a “sense,” but who’s going to stop me?)

~ I hate feeling locked into an identity that doesn’t feel like it fits. But since it’s how other people see me, it’s how they treat me, and it’s how I continue to act. A vicious cycle.
~ Sometimes I ache so much for a change of scene that I nearly convince myself to start boxing up our things.
~ To end on a less dismal note… This little squeaking porcupine is just so adorable, I can’t help smiling. His little claws clutching his food! His little munching sounds and squeaks! Oh man. Wow, I’m in a better mood already.

I used to be really opinionated about a lot of things. Okay, I’m still really opinionated about a lot of things. I guess what I mean is that I used to be really loudly opinionated about a lot of things. I learned the hard, slow way that being like that only closes doors for myself. So while I am still very opinionated, I do think I’ve gotten better at being congenial even in situations where I couldn’t possibly disagree more with the person speaking. I certainly have gotten better at holding my tongue with new people or in situations where it’s clear that the other party isn’t interested in a debate. Alright, so I’m still not perfect, but you have to give it to me that I’ve improved.

However, tonight I startled myself. I was out to dinner with a group of adults (meaning people a generation older than myself). We had only just met. Throughout the night, they had made a number of passing comments that made their political views clear, and they weren’t quite the same as mine. But that was cool; I never felt the need to pipe up about it. We were all having a really good time, joking around with each other, enjoying a tasty meal.

Then as we were finishing dessert, someone started in on a political topic. I didn’t even notice it was happening: all of the sudden words of disagreement were involuntarily falling out of my mouth. I was actually quite mild at first, but as their comments continued, it was as if my engine kicked into high gear in a matter of seconds. It wasn’t even until I heard my voice get louder that I realized I was on the verge of unleashing Pushy, Opinionated, Loud, I-Don’t-Care-If-We-Just-Met-I-Still-Think-You’re-Being-Dumb Kelly. That’s a side of myself that has been locked away for a considerable amount of time. I shocked myself, laughed, and said, “Oh man, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t be talking about this.” We changed the subject with minimal awkwardness and continued on our merry way. I felt a little bad, but thankfully no one’s feathers seemed very ruffled.

Upon reflection, I find it alarming that I could get all riled up like that without consciously allowing myself to do it. Especially among a group of older folks whom I had only just met. It was as if I temporarily morphed back into my personality from sophomore year of college. (Yikes!) Thankfully it was only VERY temporary.

But I have to admit—and here I think is the point of my post—as shocked as I was about my temporary lapse in diplomacy, in a strange and almost refreshing way, it is kind of nice to know that the uncontrollably passionate side of me still exists… even though she’s been locked away all this time. …Is that bad?

Here’s a quote for your Monday… or maybe I should say my Monday. It’s one of the many gentle nudges I had today that helped me get my week rolling in the right direction.