the pushy, opinionated, loud version of myself

I used to be really opinionated about a lot of things. Okay, I’m still really opinionated about a lot of things. I guess what I mean is that I used to be really loudly opinionated about a lot of things. I learned the hard, slow way that being like that only closes doors for myself. So while I am still very opinionated, I do think I’ve gotten better at being congenial even in situations where I couldn’t possibly disagree more with the person speaking. I certainly have gotten better at holding my tongue with new people or in situations where it’s clear that the other party isn’t interested in a debate. Alright, so I’m still not perfect, but you have to give it to me that I’ve improved.

However, tonight I startled myself. I was out to dinner with a group of adults (meaning people a generation older than myself). We had only just met. Throughout the night, they had made a number of passing comments that made their political views clear, and they weren’t quite the same as mine. But that was cool; I never felt the need to pipe up about it. We were all having a really good time, joking around with each other, enjoying a tasty meal.

Then as we were finishing dessert, someone started in on a political topic. I didn’t even notice it was happening: all of the sudden words of disagreement were involuntarily falling out of my mouth. I was actually quite mild at first, but as their comments continued, it was as if my engine kicked into high gear in a matter of seconds. It wasn’t even until I heard my voice get louder that I realized I was on the verge of unleashing Pushy, Opinionated, Loud, I-Don’t-Care-If-We-Just-Met-I-Still-Think-You’re-Being-Dumb Kelly. That’s a side of myself that has been locked away for a considerable amount of time. I shocked myself, laughed, and said, “Oh man, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t be talking about this.” We changed the subject with minimal awkwardness and continued on our merry way. I felt a little bad, but thankfully no one’s feathers seemed very ruffled.

Upon reflection, I find it alarming that I could get all riled up like that without consciously allowing myself to do it. Especially among a group of older folks whom I had only just met. It was as if I temporarily morphed back into my personality from sophomore year of college. (Yikes!) Thankfully it was only VERY temporary.

But I have to admit—and here I think is the point of my post—as shocked as I was about my temporary lapse in diplomacy, in a strange and almost refreshing way, it is kind of nice to know that the uncontrollably passionate side of me still exists… even though she’s been locked away all this time. …Is that bad?

Category: politics, quirks, what's inside One comment »

One Response to “the pushy, opinionated, loud version of myself”

  1. Annie

    No, not bad at all.

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