fear of stuff

I’m a creature of habit. I’m not sure if I’ve always been this way, or if it’s a character quirk that has developed as I’ve gotten older and more comfortable in my ways. Or said more honestly, as I’ve become less comfortable in others’ ways.

I guess what I’m getting at is I’m sometimes afraid to try new things. And by “sometimes,” I mean frequently. I’m not afraid of simple things like trying new foods or whatnot. It’s other kinds of things that scare me. Not that they’re not also “simple;” they’re just different. A few weeks ago, I had to go to the repair shop to get my bicycle fixed, and that made me a little tense. My hesitancy had something to do with not knowing the first thing about bikes and not knowing what kind of help to ask for when I got there. Weird, right? Another more recent event was driving to an unfamiliar location to fill out some paperwork for a job application. I nearly talked myself out of this one. It’s bad enough that I’d never been to the building before, but add a potential job into the mix, and forget it. I felt so nervous I’d actually classify it as fear.

The good thing is you probably wouldn’t notice my nerves in these situations (unless you were, say, my husband, who hears every grievance my scared little imagination can muster) because once I’m there in the middle of it, I play if off pretty well. I smile easily, talk casually, and act like I’ve got it (mostly) together. There is a high probability that I’ll blush though. Of course.

I don’t think I used to be this jumpy about simple things. Or maybe it’s just really easy for me to gloss over the “way I used to be” and remember my youth as this glowing success story. Whatever the case, the fact still remains that this is how I am now. I don’t like it. It gets pretty annoying, honestly. Especially when realizing that my worries are simply an invention of my crazy brain still doesn’t make the feeling go away.

I think this is something I could practice getting better at. Today I did something that I was afraid to do, and it worked out just fine. I’m thinking of something I could do tomorrow, too. Wouldn’t it be good if I could teach myself out of this silly rut?

…Am I really about to post this? Who are all you people reading these silly, embarrassing, immature things about me? And why do I even feel the need to click “publish?” I’ll chalk it up to narcism. ;)

Category: quirks, what's inside 5 comments »

5 Responses to “fear of stuff”

  1. Kim

    I have this too, only I’ve been blaming it on genetics. Like, “I’m turning into my grandma, and there’s nothing I can do about it!”

  2. Kelly

    Oooh, I like that!

  3. Schmath

    I feel that way to the extent that I probably should be medicated. I’m even afraid to drive the car, and you can forget talking to people because it’s just not gonna happen. I never thought to blame it on Grandma though! Good idea, Kim!

  4. Peregrine

    I remember being afraid to ask for ketchup at a Mcdonald’s when I was five. Weirdly, singing in the grocery store did not fill me with the same nerves.
    And then this weekend I had to go buy a car, and I had an experience like your bike one. I hated it. So I’m don’t think it’s an age thing, but just my personality? At any rate, I’m glad I’m not alone.

  5. big changes — i know. i’m blushing.

    [...] my drought of ideas? How I struggled to muster up my go-power? How I was afraid of leaving my comfort zone? Or how about my inability to make big decisions without stewing over them f o r e v e r [...]

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