Category: if i ruled the world

things that stink

November 13th, 2009 — 9:54am

You know what stinks?

Rotten garbage, flaming bags of dog poo, and when more than half of your entire blog post mysteriously disappears right after you finished writing the dang thing. As in, it was complete and all I had left to do was paste in one last link. It kind of puts me in too cranky of a mood to write it over again right now. Maybe later I will, but at the moment I think I’ll go kick a tree. Just kidding. I like trees. Maybe I’ll go hug one instead.


2 comments » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, lists, quirks

do we really look THAT young?

November 8th, 2009 — 8:22pm

Bryant and I are constantly mistaken for people about a decade younger than we really are. Today a stranger asked Bryant, “Hey are you the fellow who just got back from his mission?” Hah, no. Because that would make him around 21 years old, and he’s turning 31 next month.

Every time I see a particular woman who lives nearby, she tells me that she once again mistook me for a 15-year old as I approached.

Really? Why would you tell me that? More over, why would you tell me that every time I see you?

Yes, yes, I know “I’ll love it when I’m 50.”

But you know what? I’m not 50. I’m just a week shy of 25, not 15. And even though I’ve gotten quite good at laughing it off, it’s still the slightest bit insulting to constantly be thought of as a teenager. I graduated from college over two years ago. I have a bachelors in economics. And I’m married for goodness sake.

Thankfully, people who actually know me by more than just sight don’t mistake me for a teenager, and they certainly know I don’t act like one (all the time). But even so, every now and then I get the sense that I’m not being taken seriously. And it bugs. Sometimes I can’t wait for saggy skin and wrinkles.

Mmm, actually on second thought, I can.

4 comments » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, quirks

an early christmas hint

October 7th, 2009 — 4:22pm

the dish pile

This is why I pine for a dish washer. Although, a bigger counter would probably work, too.

3 comments » | if i ruled the world, pictures

religion and freedom

September 28th, 2009 — 5:33pm

I don’t understand people who claim that our country is falling apart because we don’t have religious freedom anymore. “Our children don’t pray in school.” “Our children aren’t being taught about God.” I’m sorry, but if your children aren’t praying in school, it’s because they’re making their own choice not to. If your children aren’t being taught about God, it’s because you aren’t teaching them. School is not the place for mandated prayer time, and it’s not the place for catechism.

What is this notion that prayer has been brutally stripped from the classroom?

No child gets punished for taking a moment to bow her head and say a prayer in the lunch room before she eats. No child gets arrested for saying a prayer at his desk before he takes his spelling test. That’s why I don’t understand this claim that prayer isn’t in the schools anymore. What do these people want? They want their child’s calculus teacher to start the lesson with a prayer? They want the teacher to force the children to kneel down and pray together at the end of the day? What about people of different religions? Should we ship them away? Segregate our schools by religion? I don’t get it.

And what is this notion that kids aren’t allowed to be taught about God? That we don’t talk about religion and its role in history?

I just was flipping through the news channels and stopped on Glenn Beck’s show. I usually avoid this show, but I was so fascinated with the people speaking that I couldn’t change the channel. It was some kind of “mother’s forum” where the audience members were airing their grievances. Many were complaining about how their children don’t learn history anymore, so they’re losing their identities. Er, when was the last time these people sat through their children’s classes? Because I just sat through a 5th grade class last Thursday as a volunteer, and the whole time I was there they were learning about history. George Washington. This nation’s founding. It was pretty clearly a history lesson to me.

The people on this show were saying that their children weren’t being taught about how important religion was in the establishment of this land. Er, I’m pretty sure if you ask any mildly attentive high schooler why the pilgrims came to the Americas, they would tell you that they were seeking “religious freedom.” If you asked them if the founding fathers were religious, they would know that they most definitely were. In my own history classes, we discussed many different religions’ basic beliefs. We learned about who founded what, when, and why. We had a unit where everyone did a presentation on a different early-American religious group. As an eleventh grader, I taught a whole lesson about Joseph Smith. I didn’t get sent to jail. Neither did anyone else who taught about other religions, however unique or unconventional (or mainstream) they were.

This is what religious freedom is. We don’t impose our beliefs on others. We create an atmosphere where it’s safe to learn about all kinds of people and faiths. We don’t force anyone to adopt any behavior they don’t approve of. Children are allowed to pray in schools, but they aren’t forced to. We don’t hang the Ten Commandment’s from the ceiling, but we don’t punish people for keeping them in their hearts.

We live our religious beliefs within ourselves… it’s the way we act, the ideals we hold inside, the way we treat others, the way we choose to worship in our free time. We don’t need the government or our schools to enforce our own personal religious codes. We simply create a space where everyone can practice their beliefs “how, where, or what they may.” If you feel very strongly that a more personal view of religion and God needs to be infused with your child’s schooling, then more power to you. That’s why this country allows you to home school your child, to send your child to a private school, or even to start up your own charter school. We all have options. That’s what’s so great. We all are free to choose, regardless of whether we’re Muslim, Catholic, Jain, Mormon, or atheist.

The people on this Glenn Beck show were saying that they’re tired of the government trying to make us dependent on it for everything. Then why are they so insistent that the government enforce religion? It seems to me religion is a personal issue, taught in your home, fostered in your heart, and practiced on an individual level. I don’t understand its place in public schools beyond the scope of informing our children about the different belief systems that exist in our society.

One last thing and then I’ll cap it. The people on that show were also saying that we don’t live a free country anymore. They said that “we’re only partly free,” and one woman—a black woman, no less—asserted that after the fifties, everything began to fall apart. So I guess that granting civil rights to blacks and suffrage to women were all steps backwards in extending freedom to our citizens?

I think that their assertion that we’re not quite free wedged itself so deeply under my skin largely because of the movie I watched last night.  Bryant and I watched The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, a World War Two movie about a death camp, and it was still very fresh in my mind.  I think I got so annoyed at the people on that show because I felt like they weren’t taking seriously what they were saying. They’re not free? Really? Not being free is not being able to voice your opinion for fear of serious repercussions, like the torture and murder of you and your family. Not being free is having to hide who you are—your heritage and your beliefs—because if people knew the truth, you would be ripped from your home and sent to a gas chamber. Not being free is not being able to help a stranger in need without being beaten to death by the authorities. Not being free is having to agree with the government no matter what.

Not being free is definitely not a Mormon hosting his own talk show on a cable network in a room full of women passionately voicing their disapproval of the President, his administration, and various aspects of our nation. That is freedom. It may bug the crap out of me, but it most definitely is freedom. And I’ll take it.

9 comments » | if i ruled the world, politics, what i watch, what's inside

it's just an opinion

May 11th, 2009 — 6:17pm

Have you ever had something you feel very strongly about and really want to talk about, but for some reason you feel like you’re not allowed to talk about it because you don’t know who you might offend? …Even though your opinion is not meant to be offensive at all… it’s just your opinion, not something meant to hurt anyone.

Yeah, I hate that.

5 comments » | if i ruled the world, what's inside

random wednesday

May 6th, 2009 — 10:11pm

…Because it’s been a while, and I liked doing it last time. Plus, I feel so incredibly frazzled right now, and it sounds soothing to just sit and take stock of my senses. Here goes…


Two photographs I’m liking right now:

moon and cloud

…Because I feel the need for some serious tranquility, and that’s what this photo does for me.

glad bud
…Because when I came home yesterday and saw my gladiola bud popping out of the soil, it was like all of the sudden everything was right in the world. I’d like to feel that way again.


I’m putting my iPod on shuffle and listening the first ten songs it pumps out. Let’s hope they’re good.

  1. “Hold On” by Sarah McLachlan
  2. “All Along the Watchtower” by Dave Matthews Band (Sigh. Doesn’t Dave make everything better? “There’s too much confusion. Can’t get nooooo relief.” Mmmhmm.)
  3. “Going Under” by Evanescence (Remnants of my first year of college.)
  4. “Blood on the Ground” by Incubus
  5. “Omaha” by Counting Crows (Sometimes shuffle is really hit-and-miss, but I’m impressed with how well this shuffle is matching my mood.)
  6. “Valeri” by the Monkees (Mmm… spoke too soon?)
  7. “Wake Up” by Rage Against the Machine (Ahhhh, now we’re talking.)
  8. “Middle Man” by Jack Johnson (I think I’ll add this one to the player here on my blog.)
  9. “What’s Happening” by Ying Yang Twins (Ugh. Sorry, but I’m definitely skipping through this one. Is that cheating?)
  10. “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin Groovy)” by Simon and Garfunkel (Hey, that’s a nice note to end on. Way to go, shuffle. Today I give you an 8 out of 10.)


The lurking smell of old, rubbery acrylic paint stuck on my fingers. There are times when I love the smell of paint—like it ignites the desire to create inside. But tonight, it’s just keeping my stress alive.

THOUGHTS (not that this is a “sense,” but who’s going to stop me?)

~ I hate feeling locked into an identity that doesn’t feel like it fits. But since it’s how other people see me, it’s how they treat me, and it’s how I continue to act. A vicious cycle.
~ Sometimes I ache so much for a change of scene that I nearly convince myself to start boxing up our things.
~ To end on a less dismal note… This little squeaking porcupine is just so adorable, I can’t help smiling. His little claws clutching his food! His little munching sounds and squeaks! Oh man. Wow, I’m in a better mood already.

Comment » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, lists, pictures, what's inside

facing may

April 28th, 2009 — 11:15am

I’m having a hard time with being in the last few days of April. I can’t keep track of what month it is. In one moment I’m sure it’s May, and then in the next moment I’m totally shocked that April’s on its last leg.

I think part of it has to do with the immense anticipation I’ve had for May—and not the positive kind of anticipation. Dread might be too strong of a word, but what the heck, let’s say dread. Maybe this dread stems from the stress of knowing that our housing contract will be renewed at the end of May, marking the passing of a whole year of me saying that I’ll find a job but not actually doing it. The realization that my state of denial and procrastination has effectively lasted [at least] a year is, shall we say, a touch disheartening?

And yet, I think the trepidation with which I face May stems from something else.

…And then it hit me. The lightning bolt struck when Bryant got in the car yesterday and said with a sparkle in his eyes and pure glee in his voice, “Only FOUR more days!”

“Only four more days till what?” I replied.

Then I realized. The source of my fear, heartache, and misgivings about May…

It’s Mustache May.

I’ve come to accept that I’ll never truly understand why my husband derives so much pleasure from shaving his facial hair into weird shapes. But he does, and I suppose I shouldn’t deny him that. He did it when we were dating, so I shouldn’t be surprised that he still does it now. (After only one month of dating, he celebrated Mustache and MULLET May in all its glory. It was actually pretty funny when he did it, until we had to go out in public. I’m inexpressibly thankful that we’ve pared it down to a simple Mustache May, but don’t tell anyone I admitted that.)

Somehow, I thought [hoped] that once we were married, the month-themed facial hair experiments would quell. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, don’t you know you can never change a man? ;) And especially with Bryant, what you see is what you get.

I’ve considered whipping out some Bible-talk and telling him that Paul says the time has come to “put away childish things,” but I’m pretty sure I could guess his response.

“Kelly, mustaches are as far from childish as a man can get! Maybe I should wear it year round!” …And that’s not the outcome I’m going for.

I’ve been considering implementing a themed May for myself. How about Massage May, where every day I get to enjoy a relaxing back rub? Or Magnolia, Marigold, and Mum May, where every day I get a new flower that starts with M? Or Make Me Dinner May, where I don’t have to cook all month long? Somehow I doubt those would catch on.

So bring on May in all its splendor. Maybe this year Bryant will decide not to do it. Or maybe next. Or maybe never. Ah well.


2 comments » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, quirks

hate mail

February 27th, 2009 — 3:35pm

Dear Stupid Banner Ads,

I am so done with you. You completely gross me out. Please stop stalking me. It’s starting to creep me out that you’re at every website I go to. Seriously. EVERY ONE. You know who you are. I’m talking to ads like…

YOU (fyi, being “discovered by a mom” doesn’t inspire a great deal of confidence in your periodontal procedure… plus that picture is sick):

stupid ad - white teeth

YOU (moving graphics make you neither cool nor realistic… so just stop it):

stupid ad - wrinkles 1
stupid ad - wrinkles 3
stupid ad - wrinkles 2

and ESPECIALLY YOU (barf):

stupid ad - belly fat

You’re gross, and I’m sick of looking at you. You need to hire some new marketers because your ads, when not nauseating, are simply laughable. Your nasty images don’t make me want to use your product. They make me want to plunge a butcher’s knife through my computer screen (that, or navigate away from the page). So kindly remove yourself from existence.

Much obliged,
Your most loyal boycotter

To the two people who read my blog,

I’m sorry I had to put you through that. I probably shouldn’t have posted those screen shots, but seriously, my rage overtook me and I lost control.

Hoping you can forgive me,
Your ever-blushing blogger

P.S. Happy Friday! Here’s hoping your weekend is completely banner-ad free.

5 comments » | if i ruled the world, pictures

random tuesday

February 3rd, 2009 — 4:04pm

Because… why not?


My favorite photo from last week


(I got this idea here.) “Set your mp3 players to shuffle and post the first ten songs that come up. Go!”

…And not that you all are aching to know what randomness is on my iPod, but it sounded like something fun so I thought I’d entertain myself for a minute or two.

  1. “Roll Out (My Business)” by Ludacris (Did you know I used to really like rap? [Although "really" might be a stretch.] I attribute that partially to the fact(s) that I grew up in Danbury, wanted to fit in, and I hadn’t yet taken my Women’s Lit class from Gloria Cronin.)
  2. “The Hero Dies in This One” by The Ataris
  3. “Carry This Picture” by Dashboard Confessional
  4. “Freak A Leak” by Petey Pablo (I know… I know… and I’m sorry)
  5. “Precious Things” by Tori Amos (Do you think my iPod is intentionally trying to be ironic?)
  6. “Casino” from the Run Lola Run soundtrack (…A highly influential movie in my life, first introduced to me by Fara. We can talk about that another day.)
  7. “Warning Sign” by Coldplay (This song will forever be tied in my mind to the click clack of a fast-moving train; the feel on my skin of a tired old sleeping bunk upholstered with rough, fake velvet; and anxious excitement keeping me awake in a dark a sleeping car headed west towards Italy. My first time.)
  8. “No One Is Alone” from the Into the Woods soundrack (It’s always kind of weird when a musical comes on while I’m listening to music on shuffle. But even so, I adore this song.)
  9. “Make this Go On Forever” by Snow Patrol
  10. “It Passed” by Kalai


Faint sweat.   …Instead of showering when I got home from the gym a little bit ago, I got online.


Just being honest.


> What’s with the phrase “nip it in the bud”? What the does that really mean?

> It’d be cool if cars came equipped with some kind of monitoring system, and anytime a driver started doing something stupid (like, say, merge into your lane in the middle of a busy intersection, keep their right blinker on as they make a left turn, or creep lazily across the line towards your own car on the highway) a voice would blare out of the driver’s speakers informing him or her of whatever dumb thing they’re doing. The world would be a better place.

> This and this make me smile.  (I love the socks that keep slipping down past his toes.)

> Since yesterday, I’ve been trying to drive the speed limit everywhere I go. It’s quite hard. I’m not very good at it yet.  (It seems that car speaker thingy would be pretty helpful for me.)

5 comments » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, just wondering, lists, pictures, quirks, un-categorizable randomness

on shopping

December 12th, 2008 — 2:46pm

I suck at shopping.

I’ve only been to one store today and already I’m back at home feeling overwhelmed. I didn’t even buy anything while I was there. I need a break and I haven’t even started.

1 comment » | if i ruled the world, quirks

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