January 24th, 2011 — 10:12pm
Before I had a job, it used to feel like the only thing people ever talked about was their work. I dreaded meeting new people, going to parties, or anything else that would require small talk. I was so mortified at what I perceived was my enormous lack that I couldn’t handle the possibility of having to talk about it.
It’s funny because now that I have a job, I never even think about it. I mean, I guess people still talk about it, but it never feels like the only conversation topic anymore. And honestly, most people don’t really care what it is you do, or whether you get paid for it.
But I REALLY didn’t used to feel that way.
So strange how your insecurities mess with your perception. I wonder if there would have been a way to get over that insecurity without my circumstances changing. I wonder if I could have been comfortable enough with myself and my joblessness that my perception of things then could have been more similar to my perception now.
Also, I think I might define myself too much by my occupation/career goals. How do you not do that?
1 comment » | just wondering, quirks, what's inside
December 6th, 2010 — 10:55am
I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving. Actually, I’m pretty sure my whole extended family has been sick since Thanksgiving, unless they were sick right before or during Thanksgiving. It seems we had a white elephant exchange at my parent’s house: bring your favorite microbe to pass around. :)
Despite the stress of having to miss work, juggling school, and sitting around coughing out my insides, it is a little bit nice (am I allowed to say this???) to be forced to sit around at home and do nothing.
I’ve slept. A lot. I’ve read two books and started on a third. And if you knew me & my inability to sit through a whole book, you’d know what a great accomplishment that is.
And perhaps most importantly, Bryant and I (he’s sick too, of course) have completely caught up on all of our TV watching. Nothing left in the Hulu queue except some little random bits. Nothing on our Netflix streaming that’s calling our names too loudly.
So what the heck do we do now? This is a call to arms. Please, help a sister out. What shows should we be watching? Old shows, new shows, lay it on me.
3 comments » | for my amusement, just wondering, quirks
February 8th, 2010 — 9:51am
You ever wonder if garbage truck drivers revel in the number of car alarms they set off, or if their trucks are too loud for even them to hear the carnage they leave behind? Cause I wonder that twice a week.
Comment » | for my amusement, just wondering
October 28th, 2009 — 11:57am
I’ve kept my web browser open to this “edit post” screen for a day or two now and have just been jotting down my thoughts as they come to me at random intervals. Here’s the result:
One of the downsides of not having an automatic dishwasher is forgotten leftovers in the fridge. Unless I’m willing to part with the container, I’ve got to scrub the month-old nastiness off by hand.
There’s an elderly man who lives in a house on the corner down the road. He has amazing grass. No really, it’s amazing. It’s cut so short and is so thick that it looks like green felt. The best is when fall comes. I swear he has some kind of force field around his yard that prevents leaves from landing. No matter what time of day I pass his house, there’s never more than a handful of leaves to be seen even though he’s got three or four big, leafy trees on his property. But it stays that way—completely leafless—all season. Almost every time I pass by in my car I see him out tending to his lawn, armed with a rake. I always look for him. Even though he never notices me, it makes me happy to see him. Maybe it’s his pristine grass that makes me happy—tidy green felt without a leaf in sight. Maybe it’s his impeccable attention to detail that makes me happy. I don’t know exactly. I wonder if he loves it when all the leaves have finally fallen. Or maybe he’s disappointed that he has to wait another year to do it all again.
I’m not a cook by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve been kind of ambitious the last two days, making new recipes from a Martha Stewart cookbook. (I know, fancy.) Monday was a potato-onion frittata (fancy, I’m telling you) with a broccoli-chickpea-tomato salad. I was ecstatic when they actually came out looking somewhat like the pictures. Tuesday was a pear custard pie to celebrate our anniversary. Two years. Bryant made us a chiles rellenos casserole of sorts. It was good. I love it when he cooks. And when he brings home flowers.
You know what else I love? When milestones actually feel normal. I don’t mean that they’re unexciting, rather I mean that they make sense. Like graduating. It was fun and all, but it made sense to be done. I was finished and ready for the next thing. (Or rather, I thought I was.) Getting married was that way, too. My wedding day was honestly one of the happiest and most exciting days of my life—a huge milestone—but it made total sense. It wasn’t shocking and didn’t require any humongous adjustments for either of us (unless you count learning to fit two people into a teeny bed… we really should upgrade). So, our two-year anniversary was the same. Just another day, but still exciting too. During the day I texted Bryant, “It’s our anniversary. Cool, huh?” And he replied back, “Pretty neat.” …Like that. I love that. A normal milestone.
I’ve heard that Seattle has the highest suicide rate in the United States. (I don’t know if that’s true, but I’ve heard it enough to think it’s common knowledge, and I’m too lazy to fact check.) And I’ve also heard Seattle’s notoriously gloomy weather is to blame. (Again, too lazy to read up on this.) I know some people genuinely suffer from some kind of “seasonal affect disorder.” I guess I do too. Just in a different way. I’m definitely affected by weather, but mostly I just love it. All of it. Lately it’s been that startlingly cool air when you open the front door. Mmm. And snow. Mmm. Oh, and another thing, I don’t really think Seattle is as gloomy as it’s reputed to be. Maybe I should see for myself.
I fear that I stew too long over decisions. Have I always been this way? I at least know that I’ve been this way for a while.
Timing isn’t everything. But it’s something.
3 comments » | for my amusement, just wondering, lists, quirks, the great outdoors
June 13th, 2009 — 8:33pm
How is it that so many people can feel so alone all at once and all in the same place? Weird, huh? Has it always been like this?
I think loneliness is really more like fear disguised as melancholy… fear of reaching out, fear of rejection, fear of who knows what… I think sometimes there doesn’t really have to be something to be afraid of for fear to exist. Sometimes it’s just fear. And so, sometimes it’s just loneliness.
3 comments » | just wondering, what's inside
May 12th, 2009 — 11:22pm
Why is it that when I try really hard to remember something, it’s as if my mind clamps shut like a vice, but when I decide to stop worrying about it and give up hope of ever retrieving the lost information, the answer immediately pours into my mind with no effort at all?
1 comment » | just wondering, quirks
February 23rd, 2009 — 7:46pm
Hmm… What does it mean for the rest of my week when all day long I’m convinced it’s Friday… but it’s really only Monday?
1 comment » | just wondering
February 3rd, 2009 — 4:04pm
Because… why not?
My favorite photo from last week
(I got this idea here.) “Set your mp3 players to shuffle and post the first ten songs that come up. Go!”
…And not that you all are aching to know what randomness is on my iPod, but it sounded like something fun so I thought I’d entertain myself for a minute or two.
- “Roll Out (My Business)” by Ludacris (Did you know I used to really like rap? [Although "really" might be a stretch.] I attribute that partially to the fact(s) that I grew up in Danbury, wanted to fit in, and I hadn’t yet taken my Women’s Lit class from Gloria Cronin.)
- “The Hero Dies in This One” by The Ataris
- “Carry This Picture” by Dashboard Confessional
- “Freak A Leak” by Petey Pablo (I know… I know… and I’m sorry)
- “Precious Things” by Tori Amos (Do you think my iPod is intentionally trying to be ironic?)
- “Casino” from the Run Lola Run soundtrack (…A highly influential movie in my life, first introduced to me by Fara. We can talk about that another day.)
- “Warning Sign” by Coldplay (This song will forever be tied in my mind to the click clack of a fast-moving train; the feel on my skin of a tired old sleeping bunk upholstered with rough, fake velvet; and anxious excitement keeping me awake in a dark a sleeping car headed west towards Italy. My first time.)
- “No One Is Alone” from the Into the Woods soundrack (It’s always kind of weird when a musical comes on while I’m listening to music on shuffle. But even so, I adore this song.)
- “Make this Go On Forever” by Snow Patrol
- “It Passed” by Kalai
Faint sweat. …Instead of showering when I got home from the gym a little bit ago, I got online.
Just being honest.
> What’s with the phrase “nip it in the bud”? What the does that really mean?
> It’d be cool if cars came equipped with some kind of monitoring system, and anytime a driver started doing something stupid (like, say, merge into your lane in the middle of a busy intersection, keep their right blinker on as they make a left turn, or creep lazily across the line towards your own car on the highway) a voice would blare out of the driver’s speakers informing him or her of whatever dumb thing they’re doing. The world would be a better place.
> This and this make me smile. (I love the socks that keep slipping down past his toes.)
> Since yesterday, I’ve been trying to drive the speed limit everywhere I go. It’s quite hard. I’m not very good at it yet. (It seems that car speaker thingy would be pretty helpful for me.)
5 comments » | for my amusement, if i ruled the world, just wondering, lists, pictures, quirks, un-categorizable randomness
December 22nd, 2008 — 4:42pm
Right now, I’m sitting here thinking about the phrase “bought the farm” and failing to see the connection. Why does “he bought the farm” mean “he died”? If anything, it seems like he’d be losing the farm, not buying it. …Right?
5 comments » | just wondering
December 8th, 2008 — 4:31pm
Why is “lbs” the abbreviation for “pounds”?
3 comments » | just wondering